Sunday, 22 June 2008
Since i've finished blogging abt my ytd outing, shall blog abt my feelings now.
On Friday, i mentioned tt 2 ppl make me angry rite? Silent, one of them do not have big influence on me, this i can confirmed. As for the other one, i really dunno. Actually the matter that the one who dun have big influence on me whom make me angry, i think if anyone do this, i'll oso get angry so this doesn't apply specifically to this person. As for the matter that the other one whom make me angry, guess if it's other ppl, probably i just 放飞机 when my mood is not good.
I finally ask B the question tt i wanna ask him since before my exam. Although he did reply via sms but the answer he reply me isn't the answer to the question i ask him. Although the answer he reply via sms is always the same answer n my heart has almost sank to the bottom of the ocean. I just wanna give myself one last chance cos i just wanna hear it personally from his mouth, so i put aside my 矜持 n ask him ytd. Human only lives once so i dun wanna live wif regret. 想让自己的心对得起自己吧。。。
Smtimes i really dun understand guys. I ask a simple qsn and the answer is either Yes or No but the answer given to me is neither Yes nor No. It's like I ask u whether u like orange or not? N e answer is in the past I like Orange but now, hmm... So isn't this not answering the question. Finally B noe wat the answer i'm looking for to my question. I ask him whether he treat me good just bcos he wan me to treat him good too? Cos tt's wat i feel when he reply my sms last time n i really got pretty upset abt this. He ask me back saying recently i dun treat him as good as previously but he still continue to treat me good. Then i oso ask him is it tt he treat all his good frenz so good. He say it's different, telling me tt his sec gal frenz is just purely good frenz n the way he treat me is more than a good frenz and is different from the way he treat his other good frenz who r gals.
Now i noe tt all along B tot tt whenever i ask him those qsn, i'm like psycho him into a relationship. Really surprised when he told me tt. Now then he realised i only wanna noe the position of me in his heart. Y he dunno??? I did told him clearly before that i noe he's not ready to commit n he still can't forget his previous relationship, yet y he tot tt i'm psycho him? Just dun understand guys.
Guess wat B say? He say tt i'm currently the leading scorer. Then i ask him so this means there r other scorer? He told me that there is one but he oso puzzled how this gal got his no n msn. But he say tt he always ignore her. Now i noe my intuition can't be tt bad, when a guy really treat u so good, there is surely a motive behind. A guy can't possibly sms u everyday, call u frequently, gg out wif u frequently if he dun feel anything for u. Tt's is wat i feel so since there r A, B, C n D which i really can conclude this.
B ask me whether i'm happy to hear this. Smhow i dun have the sense of happiness. I told B tt everytime the answer he give me really make me feel v sad n after few times already, i feel like giving up. Initally i really can be v understanding to him but the more he make me sad, i wld wonder y shld i be understand to sm1 who make me sad. N when i start to 心灰意冷 n didn't treat B too good, smhow he'll do things tt make me feel tt he's more concern abt me than previously. I ask B whether he knew tt i dun treat him as good as previously n B replied tt he's sensitive to this so how can he dunno. I oso got puzzled by him smtimes, ain't e things tt he told me contridicts his actions? I told B tt he's not e only one concerning abt me, he tot it's A & D cos he knew abt their existence but they are not. It's C n i told B abt it ytd. I told B tt C almost send me home everyday n B still can joke tt he oso wan. ><" Smtimes really feel tt B is crapping too much but he oso bought a lot of laughter to me. I dun deny tt he brighten up my life after knowing him.
This morning i finally figure out y i dun have the sense of happiness after hearing his answer ytd. Although i'm e leading scorer now but i'm not the golden boot yet. If last season golden boot overtook me, then i'm just nothing. 所谓喜欢一个人，如果不是全部，就是零。B did mentioned before tt he still can't forget the one who hurt him the most n he did habour e thoughts of reunion although it's impossible. Well, nothing is impossible.
Y when i'm on e verge of giving up then he told me those? I dunno, dun wanna think, dun wanna make any decision. Just follow my heart, just hear wat my heart say....
