Thursday, 26 June 2008
Hmm... I had make up mind. Well, i guess this is e decision i wish make all along. Had a heart to heart talk wif B ytd. Well, shall call him YQ from now although i did use another nick for him smtimes (not B).
I feel amused when YQ said tt he dun even noe whether he has e ability to take care of the current striker after he's ORD n telling me to give him time until end of e yr. By then, it's wld be 3 mths into his new job n more or less, it wld be more stable. YQ said tt if i were to quit my job next yr cos tt was my intention if gg Europe next yr. I told him tt i've my own career, i got my own financial ability so y do i need him to take care of me financially? Well, even if i were to quit my job, i dun need him to take care of me financially cos i feel tt he dun have e responsibility to take care me financially. It's not as if i wanna married n start a family now ah, just feel so amused by him. But at the same time, i do feel tt he does think abt his future.
We had agreed that he shall focused on his career. I told YQ i can be accomodating to him by giving him time. Wat i dun wan is after waiting for him, he tell me "Sorry to waste your time" or if ex-striker come back n i just become nothing. YQ said tt he dun like betrayal n ex-striker wldn't be in his future plan. Well, i dunno whether it seems like making a deal wif him cos sm ppl may perceived so. But i just wanna feel secured n committment. If he can give his committment, y can't i give him time? Mayb as i grow older, i'm no longer looking for sm1 tt i like without thinking anything abt the future. I'm looking for sm1 whom i feel tt can commit, making me feel secured n be my confident. Probably i'm looking for sm1 who i feel tt i can eventually settled down wif rather than be together for the sake of just love? Love wldn't last u forever but commitment wld. Although i may not like YQ v v v much now, cos i wldn't feel my heart beat faster when i see him but i do feel comfy wif him. Haiz... 1 thing i'm still v puzzled is YQ until now still cant figure out whether he like me or not. He said he does missed e current striker smtimes but wldn't feel tt his heart beat faster when he saw me n our bonding is not deep enuf. I really wonder if u like a person, ur heart beat wld be faster everytime meh? Then sure got heart attack one loh. Well bonding wise, it takes time... I ask YQ if by end of e yr, he still cant figure out his feeling for me? I oso dun understand y YQ said tt by then e feeling wld be figured out.
1 thing tt surprised me is tt YQ seems to have confidence in me when i ask him ain't he afraid of competitors? YQ said tt he noe tt current striker wld take care of herself so i act blur by asking taking care of wat? Well, he said tt current striker noes how to take care of her financially n her availability. Hmm... aint he too confident of himself? I told him tt if he make e current striker heartbreak again then e current striker wldn't give him anymore time. Tot tt he was too focused on driving on sat nite when i told him abt my feelings for A,C n D. Didn't noe tt actually he does listen, no wonder...
Well, there is a change in plan. We decided to postphone our europe trip to a later date, probably not next year. YQ ask me whether i mind postphoning n i told him i dun mind but dun tell me tt i gonna wait until my hair turn white loh. YQ say wldn't cos gg europe is 1 of his dream.
I'm gg wif YQ to Vietnam @ end of Dec since we r not gg Europe next yr. This is a place which i always wanna go. Well, i told YQ i can help him save a lot of $$ cos he noe i'll do my homework on booking cheap airtix, accomodation n itinerary. Hmm... ain't he taking advantage of me now? Well if i leave him wif all these things, i think my trip will cost a bomb.
I can't predict wat will happen in e future but i noe tt rite now, i do feel the sense of happiness.
